340: The Power of Your Influence with Harley Jordan

[00:00:00] Bree: Hey Thrivers, welcome back to another episode. Today I am pulling another one from the archives because as a reminder, it is so important to repurpose your content. So if you need to go and pull a reel, a blog post, an email that you wrote from the archives and share it with your audience, this is your reminder to do so.

[00:00:22] This episode. Is from episode 243, embracing your influence, a social media therapy session with Harley Jordan. And I, we named it that because it truly felt like therapy for me. It was such an incredible episode. I still think about it. I still listen to it and appreciate Harley's advice and wisdom talking to us about.

[00:00:50] Social media, and just how we can fear judgment from our peers, from ourselves, and how that can affect the things that we do on social media. So let's go ahead and dive in

[00:01:09] welcome to the thrive podcast, where we believe creators deserve more. More money, more freedom, and even more love for what they do. I'm Bri Payer, your coach for content creators. And I know the struggle, the long hours, the endless ideas, the feeling that success is just out of reach. But here's the truth.

[00:01:30] You've got what it takes. And this podcast. It's your shortcut to getting there from strategies that actually work to behind the scenes insights. We're unlocking your potential one episode at a time. So if you're ready to turn your creative hustle into a thriving business, let's get started. Hey Harley, welcome back to the show.

[00:01:54] How are you friends? Long time no see. I'm So excited to be here. I am so glad you agreed to come back and we have so much to catch up on and so much to chat on. Last time you were on the show, we talked about how to grow on Instagram. And this time we're really talking about something you've been talking about lately and you've got a five day judgment detox challenge coming up.

[00:02:23] And so let's talk about this and like, can you just share, like, what is it, what's behind it and how this actually completely relates to the last conversation that we had?

[00:02:34] Harley: You know what? It's so funny. I almost want to say, don't go listen to the conversation that we had because I feel like, I feel like every bit of advice is just.

[00:02:42] So outdated at this point we grow and we change and we're ever evolving humans on an ever changing app so This is the phase that i'm in judgment detox and here's where all of this was born You cannot convince me that if you are not posting consistently online, it's because you don't have the content It is because something is going on in that big old brain.

[00:03:08] That's telling you What if it's not good enough? What if someone's going to judge me? What if, what if, what if? What if you didn't care? What if it was none of your business? So what I want to do is pull back those circles of influence. Take a look at your family circle, your friend circle, and then the expectations that you're holding from society.

[00:03:32] Because the thing is that our brain is literally wired to protect us. So being afraid of being seen or worrying about perception all comes down to an evolutionary wiring to keep you safe. Right? It all makes sense. But our communities have expanded past a, you know, 15 mile radius of medieval ages. And we're able to build new communities outside of that.

[00:04:02] So that wiring, that, that threat signal, that danger alert, actually isn't necessary. So what we're gonna do within this Judgment Detox is take a look at that, and then also culminate this experience at actually taking five days off social. And when was the last time a social media coach has told you, Actually, I want you to spend less time on social.

[00:04:26] Actually, I want you to listen to fewer voices. So, here I am. That's me, the social media strategist that's telling you to get your butt off social and close your brain tabs. There's too many open.

[00:04:38] Bree: Oh, I love it so much, and I was telling you before we got started that I was looking at this, um, with my assistant this morning, and I was telling her how I'm like, how I've been like, getting in my head with like, posting and everything, and exactly what you just said.

[00:04:55] Oh my gosh. Content for days. Yeah. Content is not the issue. I have so much content.

[00:05:01] Harley: And also, the thing is that you are so not worried about speaking. Speaking it to someone next to you, right? It's not even about, like, being afraid to speak. It's this weird thing. I was actually just talking to this amazingly successful, um, tech founder.

[00:05:16] And she was like, why am I scared of this? Why do I hate this? Why, why am I worried? I will talk literally in rooms of big seven figure men in suits. Why can I not do this on social? And I was like, well, Sunshine, it's because you, we all, Change our voice depending on the situation and the group that we are in.

[00:05:39] When you go talk to your parents, you are going to be a slightly d a slightly different, slightly molded person. Compared to friends, versus coworkers, versus whoever. Social media forces you to take on one voice. That's hard as hell.

[00:05:56] Bree: Oh, it's so true. Oh my gosh. And it's also just hearing you say all of this.

[00:06:01] Like I'm telling you, it is just so nice, so nice to hear you to like all the things that are in my brain. Like you're just saying it out loud right now for me. And I'm like, yes, it's that's it. I was telling this to my assistant and she's like, Really? You struggle with that? She's like, but you appear so confident and you do this podcast and you go and coach and go live.

[00:06:22] And I'm like, yeah, I have no problem doing all of that. But when it comes to social media, there is something there.

[00:06:28] Harley: Right. Right. Yeah. You literally threw conferences and now we're having trouble speaking to, you know, however many social followers. Yeah. It's crazy. It doesn't make sense.

[00:06:40] Bree: Yeah. So how do we, and I don't want you to give away everything in the Judgment Detox because you guys it's happening right now.

[00:06:48] And so if you're listening live, I want you to go and sign up. Um, but, you know, tell us, you know, a little bit of like, how do we get through that fear and start showing up authentically without fear of, you know, backlash even? Um, I've seen this in so many forms and I've even experienced it myself. It could be anything from fear of, you know, like we're not enough, so we're afraid to say anything or doubting ourselves or.

[00:07:14] You know, worried about what might happen to our brand if we show up in a certain way. How do we kind of like move through and pass that?

[00:07:22] Harley: Totally. And this is so, it's, the solution is so simple, but the execution is such a pain in the butt. And I think it really comes Okay, I was gonna say, I'm like, it's so simple.

[00:07:35] I'm like, that was such a huge question. So it's, yeah, it's not your 12 step skincare routine. That's for sure. It's really so simple, but putting it into execution is so hard. I, I talk to clients about this all the time. They're like, wait, but that's it? And I'm like, yes, no, that's literally it. A lot of it is really about pulling back the layers and figuring out.

[00:07:56] What your biggest strengths are and where you're willing to be misunderstood. Opening the gate for misunderstanding. So, yeah, I saw your face. Let me expand. I love it. I love it. Give me, give me all the side eye. So, misunderstanding is such a resource. It is a resource because if you have misunderstanding, people are going to ask questions, and I don't necessarily mean that misunderstanding as in, like, someone thinks you're ignorant, someone thinks you're whatever.

[00:08:36] It could just be a further question. But you need to elicit that question in order to have a conversation. And that's the issue with this provide value thing on social media, as we hear all the time. Everyone will hear, provide value, provide value, provide value, and then provide more in the caption. Give me the lengthy caption, so that we read the caption, we've watched the video, we're, you know, hooked, we're watching the five second looping video for forever.

[00:09:03] Mm mm. People are smarter than that. People are smarter than that. So, what if we actually just allowed for misunderstanding, we opened up the door a little bit, and let people ask questions? Because I think what would happen is you would get more follows, you would get more curiosity, you would get more conversation, you wouldn't feel like you're talking to crickets.

[00:09:26] Because what happens when you see a reel, like, let's put ourselves in the stage of dissociation station where I'm mindlessly scrolling. Doorbells ringing, microwaves going off, dogs barking, kids screaming. Like, there's a ton going on. And I'm scrolling through my reels. Even if I am willing, by some fluke of the universe, to learn something right now.

[00:09:53] If you teach me everything that I need to know in that reel, and I don't have any other questions, am I going to go to your page? I think the answer is no. I think the answer is no. I might not press follow, because I'm not, you haven't perked my curiosity. So I think that that's really what we need to get into, is, not just, you know, what are the hacks, what are the rules, what if the rules didn't even matter, and it was more about, what can I do to perk curiosity?

[00:10:25] Where can I be misunderstood?

[00:10:28] Bree: That is so fascinating. You're challenging my brain so much right now, and I freaking love it.

[00:10:33] Harley: I can, I can actually give you an example if you want to go deeper into that. Yes, I would love that. I have a good one. So I posted three reels recently. And I'm gonna read you what was said on them.

[00:10:46] I'm gonna read you the text that was on the screen. And I just think this is so, I think this is so interesting because all I'm doing is following the comments, all I'm doing is following the misunderstanding, and that's it. So this first reel, I say, POV, you dress like a fairy princess because your outfit doesn't change your IQ, nor does speaking softly change the impact of your words.

[00:11:12] This reel had 70k views. The comment section was all about No, it doesn't change your IQ. Speaking softly doesn't, doesn't change the impact of your words. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I was like, wonderful. I'm gonna follow that. I'm gonna take it deeper. So I said, what I'm wearing to work because business isn't overpowering handshakes, stringent hierarchy, and boring professionalism.

[00:11:35] It's connection. So now we've doubled the views. 140k views for this reel. The comment section is Now it gives me something a little bit more interesting. People started latching on to this handshake thing. And I have so many comments that are like, But no one likes a sloppy, like, wet fish handshake. No one likes that.

[00:11:58] Oh, blah. You're, this is not true. Get out of here. And I was like, great. I'm gonna take that and run with it. Because you know what? Where in that, where in that wording did I ever say A handshake isn't important. I never said you don't need a handshake. So I took it further and I said, no silly, I'm not a summer camp counselor.

[00:12:23] And keep in mind, I'm in like a wild and crazy outfit for all

[00:12:26] Bree: of these. I, and I was just on your page and I saw that's real, and I was like, oh my gosh. Literally.

[00:12:31] Harley: Okay here. This video, picture this, I have this scrunchie in my hair. I'm wearing this big tie-dye shirt, not even wearing pants, and I'm presenting to a room of six, six and seven figure CEOs.

[00:12:43] So I say, freaking love it. No, it's, it's a joke. It's really just comical at this point. , I am who I am. So I said, no, silly, I'm not a summer camp counselor. I'm presenting to a room of six and seven figure CEOs. The value of a strong handshake and power suit is decreasing by the second. What is this at? 300K views because people want to latch onto the handshake thing.

[00:13:07] So what I've given them is a place to misunderstand. Never have I ever said I don't like a strong handshake. And in fact, I've now given myself opportunity to respond to those comments. I've given myself opportunity to take a comment that said, let's see, what was it? This is such a frustrating concept. A handshake in dressing well has no value anymore.

[00:13:31] Shake my head. Okay, great. Let them misunderstand. I'll respond. My point has nuance. It does. I have a lot going on in my brain. I can tell it to you. But what makes it easier is when I don't have to recreate the wheel. I don't have to create something out of nothing. Now I'm creating something out of a comment.

[00:13:52] I'm just responding.

[00:13:55] Bree: Oh, that's so good. Oh my gosh. And I feel like it is also challenging everything that we've been taught for so long. And that is that You know, and, and I'm, I'm glad, I'm so glad you're challenging this because, you know, we've all been taught that like, you need to give, give, give, give, give, and then you can sell one.

[00:14:14] And then we need to give some more. We need to give more value, give more value, give more value. And then, okay, you can ask them for something.

[00:14:20] Harley: Yeah. And what if, what if selling and value were the same thing? You know? Yeah. What if it was, what if it was that simple? What if it became influence instead of selling?

[00:14:33] I think that influencers get this really nasty reputation for being the Blonde bimbo sellout sitting by the pool with a diet supplement and I owned an influencer agency I have the following I do not believe that in the slightest if influencers would men If influencers were men if it was a male dominated industry, it would be called a business and we would be called entrepreneurs But it's not so I mean looking at all of this What's the strongest thing that we've created?

[00:15:03] It's influence It's trust. If we lean on that, you will sell anything to the

[00:15:12] Bree: internet. So how do we, okay, here's something. So many in our community, so many of our listeners, anybody on our email list, everything, if I ask them what they want to be called and how they feel about the word, being called an influencer, they'll say, no, they don't want to be called an influencer.

[00:15:29] Yep. How do you address that? Like mindset, like you were just saying, Oh, to be able to be like, no, I do have influence. This is what I do.

[00:15:40] Harley: I think this is so hard. This is something that I've grappled with a ton. Because when I first started, I, I jumped into this, I didn't necessarily mean to grow a following.

[00:15:51] And, I kept trying to hide behind, oh, I have a business, or I'm building a business, I'm doing X, Y, and Z. And, it was really because I didn't want to be associated with this privilege of Influencer, and I think that's so shitty. I think that's so shitty, because it's so not true. It's not true. Right. And so, I think part of it is owning it, part of it is saying it with your chest, and redefining influence, and also, can we really fight against an uphill battle and change things?

[00:16:37] I don't know. I hope so. I hope so.

[00:16:41] Bree: Yeah. I know.

[00:16:43] Harley: So I'm going to be, I'm going to be using that term influencer. I feel like, you know, I know a lot of new influencers in this, in this space that are really just modern day thought leaders. Honestly. Elise Meyers, modern day thought leader. For sure. Doesn't matter if she's talking about her social anxiety and an awkward first date story where she bought a hundred tacos.

[00:17:08] Doesn't matter. Thought leadership. That's influence.

[00:17:12] Bree: Yes. It doesn't matter. Yes. No, I love that. And it's been in the back of my head too, because it's made us, you know, we're asking these questions because, you know, we're wanting to make sure that we're targeting the right people. And so it's like, do you know, we're, I'm kind of in my brain at a crossroads of like, okay, do we stop using the word influencer or do we empower our audience to know you are an influencer?

[00:17:34] It's a tough

[00:17:35] Harley: one. What do you think?

[00:17:37] Bree: I feel like you should be empowered by it and I love what you said to it earlier and it made me just think of Taylor Swift's song, If I was a man then I'd be the man. Yep. Yep. Yep. Right? Yep. It's how we play that song. That's our anthem.

[00:17:50] Harley: Like. Oh my god. When, when that song first came out, the number of my friends that messaged me that were like, this song is so on brand for you, I was like, don't tell me that.

[00:18:05] Bree: Well, you'll love that song. I don't, I don't want this to be my theme song. But it is. But it is, right? At some point we have to disown it. No, I, I do think, you know, like, no, it is what you do. And if that's what comes naturally when you go to describe yourself, It's then Own It, right? This podcast is sponsored by our friends at Link Whispers.

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[00:20:05] Harley: I have made a point anytime I'm talking to someone that is Older than 60 to start to Well, because it's such a new it's such a new thing right and it's what the most popular What I want to be when I grow up answer for

[00:20:24] Bree: right?

[00:20:26] Harley: Gen alpha Gen Z, right? Yeah. Something like that. I saw something on the internet that said that, right?

[00:20:31] So. I'm sure. Anytime. I'm scared a little for when my daughter grows up. So anytime I'm talking to someone older than 60, I ensure that I say, you know what, influencing is actually a really feminine way to. Sell online. It is this really feminine business model where I am telling you about my life inherently creating trust.

[00:21:01] Just that simply, and it's created a, what, 12 billion industry, something wild.

[00:21:10] Bree: That just keeps growing and growing.

[00:21:12] Harley: Yep. Keeps growing.

[00:21:13] Bree: And it is driven by women. Women. It is absolutely amazing. Yes. We are powerhouses. It's incredible. And it's not going anywhere.

[00:21:23] Harley: It's not going anywhere. It's so funny. I, um, when I was working at the agency, the number of big brands.

[00:21:32] That would respond to us anytime we had a male influencer and say, Oh, we actually don't work with men because they don't convert very well. I was like, yeah, I know.

[00:21:46] Bree: We get pitched for men to be on our podcast and I'm like, that's okay, thanks. Did you listen to my podcast? Exactly. Have you listened? Who was your favorite guest?

[00:21:57] Yeah. Tell me three things you learned. Oh my gosh. Well, okay. I do want to keep asking, you know, like, you and I could talk about this forever, but you know, one thing I want to kind of jump to is. When you step into this and when you step into Okay, this, I'm, I'm not going to, I'm going to work through the judgment that is going to naturally happen, right?

[00:22:29] And as people start growing, they start to get those comments and you, it's very interesting to me for me to be in my position as a coach and to see how certain people react to it and how they respond to it and what their natural instinct. Goes and tells them what to do. Mm-hmm . So as people start to move into this, into what you're teaching more, I'm curious, do you start to see where do you start to see those pivots within what content they're sharing?

[00:23:00] Or do you any, or is it just more so of a empowerment and an emboldenment and so they start to share more?

[00:23:08] Harley: Mm, I think it's that they have to find it. I think that that's the hard part, is really finding the thing that's so close to your face. And I, I'm just giving you all of my fun facts on the internet today.

[00:23:21] I saw something recently that said that 70 percent of people are blind to their biggest strength. And I hate that. I despise that. 70 percent of people could not tell you their biggest strength because it's too close to their face to see. And also, our society is not inclined to hand out that kind of validation.

[00:23:42] So, yeah. If you're telling me to show up online and scream from the rooftops the thing that I am best at, because that is the thing that people will be drawn to me for, good luck. Good luck. You're fighting an uphill battle. So it really does take a lot of experimentation and that's where the safety comes in.

[00:24:06] That's where the Okay, this is just one post. Keep going. I don't need to hold your hand. I don't need to check this. Just keep posting. It doesn't matter if it's perfect. Because again, what did I just show you with those three reels? They're the same, they're, they're still the same. Those are posted, those are posted all within, I don't know, three weeks time, two weeks time.

[00:24:32] I said the same thing on them.

[00:24:34] Bree: Tweak it slightly. And you recently made a pivot in your own content. Mm hmm. Tell me about that.

[00:24:44] Harley: Oh, I feel like I'm just the pivot queen at this point. I swear I think that's good.

[00:24:49] Bree: You know, I, I do. I think being able to recognize when you need to pivot and move with your audience.

[00:24:59] I'm hearing so much, you know, and I'm sure you are too, and just seeing things like on threads and people wondering like, oh, how long is this going to last? And this is in quotation marks because this could be literally anything. How long is this going to last? How long is this going to work? How, you know, how long, how long, how long?

[00:25:14] Because we're seeing things change. Constantly. Like, ooh, are people going to stop engaging in this way? Then what?

[00:25:22] Harley: Yeah. We

[00:25:22] Bree: have to pivot.

[00:25:24] Harley: Yeah. I, I think that it's getting comfortable with the pivot, of course. And like I said in the beginning, we're all ever evolving human beings on an ever changing app.

[00:25:37] And that's what I've kind of accepted. And it's really about. Finding the path that feels best for you. I was talking to a client recently who has grown a hundred K in the past. Couple of months something atrocious and I was like, hey, what is your best posting time? What is the time that will be the best for you?

[00:25:56] I'm talking to a brand etc And she was like Harley. I have two kids under three what the best posting time is when I can post And I was like, yep, great. You've taken what I've taught you. Wonderful. Check. Thank you for making me feel good about everything that I do. But she just does not follow any of those rules, and it does so well.

[00:26:20] And so many of my clients, I could show you the exact same thing. Growing 100K without following any of the rules. So if you're gonna tell me that I'm not allowed to do the thing that feels best for me, Because of some rule that some guru said it doesn't make sense It's not backed up with the fact because there's too many exceptions to the rule so Really the pivot that i've made in the last couple of months is allowing myself to Release those expectations.

[00:26:55] Let go of, I'm gonna let someone down. Let go of, what if they think? If it starts with, what if they think? It's not a good reason. It's not a good reason. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. You don't need to. It doesn't matter what they think. It's none of your business. My comment section? Honestly, none of my business.

[00:27:15] So, follow what feels right, and that energy? That's what makes you grow. Being in that energy that's so authentically you, and so, uh, how do I say this? Like, you've taken off the mask. Yes. There's a lot of people that, when I use the word authenticity, they're like, Oh, I'm already bad. I'm already authentic.

[00:27:41] Don't worry. Like, I've got it covered. Check. And then I'm like, okay, but you just admitted you're a people pleaser. What do you mean you're authentic? You're walking around with 12 different voices, and that's not inherently bad, but You are putting on a mask. You are molding yourself for other people. So, how can we go back to you?

[00:28:00] How can we find what is you?

[00:28:03] Bree: It's like a therapy session for brain, that you're all listening to right now. I'm just over here like, what do I even say right now? Because you're in my head right now, completely, and I am obsessed with it. But does that energy flow? It's energetic. That makes me, that resonates with me so, so much.

[00:28:21] And I know that it resonates with everybody listening to because when you're in the flow, whether it is creating content, writing a blog post, whatever it is that you're doing, right? When you're in that flow, things feel good and things feel natural. You know, we were talking about something earlier that you're like working on and you're like, this all feels like it's all flowing and it feels in alignment.

[00:28:41] And I'm, I told you, I'm like, that's how you know, it's going to work. It's the same thing that you're saying here when it comes to social media is like when you're in the right energy flow,

[00:28:54] Harley: it just works.

[00:28:56] Bree: Yeah. It

[00:28:56] Harley: just works.

[00:28:58] Bree: Yeah. And so I think too, if you're feeling, you know, everybody's different, right?

[00:29:03] So you have to follow your own energy and you have to be in tune with that. And so one thing that comes to mind for me is like, cool. If it is flowing for you to post at the same time every day on Instagram, amazing. If it's flowing for you to use those trending audios, amazing. Right. Power to it. That's where I keep getting in my head and I know others listening to.

[00:29:26] Is that's not my flow. And I keep trying to put myself in that box of but I need to post it this time and I need to use This specific thing right and I need to use the hashtags and I need to use this trending audio And then I get in my head and I get stuck and I don't post

[00:29:45] Harley: right and don't even talk about the anxiety It's a spiral that comes when you are 10 minutes past your ideal posting time.

[00:29:52] You haven't quite figured out what you want to post. And you think you're about to, you know, lose it all, right?

[00:30:02] Bree: We're letting this app have so much control over us.

[00:30:06] Harley: So

[00:30:06] Bree: that's why I want to do Like, if we Get back into that flow into the energy and I know I probably sound real woo woo with this I'm not super woo, but I'm a little woo.

[00:30:18] I do believe that when we are in that Energy flow things work.

[00:30:25] Harley: Yes Yes, and that is exactly why I want to do this judgment detox. This has been brewing for me for so long I actually did this back in November and I was off social for a week. My coach forced me to do it. And she was like, what's gonna happen?

[00:30:45] What's gonna happen if you take time off? I was like, I'm mid launch! What do you mean? I can't do this! And she was like, I don't care. I don't care that you're mid launch. What, what's gonna happen? And I was like, well, they could ask me questions. And she was like, they can email you. There's other ways that they can contact you.

[00:31:08] Just do it. And I was like, okay. Okay. And so I went five days without using the app. I moved the app on my phone, because, you know, we ain't deleting the app. The graphs delete. And I actually did. I cheated a little, but like, I was on a launch. I used Facebook, uh, business. to answer some of those necessary DMs.

[00:31:32] And for me, that put me in the driver's seat. That's like checking anything on your computer. When it's on your computer, it's different. You can't go to the app and then open it and then close it real quick because you actually don't have anything to look at and then check notifications, then open it again.

[00:31:48] Like, there's this spiral that goes on in your brain with the action of going through your phone. When you get rid of that, when you get rid of the outside voices, you actually hear yourself think, and that's when you can follow what feels right.

[00:32:04] Bree: This is so good. I can't wait for your detox. I know by the time this comes out, like, we're already a couple things in, but you guys, she's leaving the recordings up for a few days.

[00:32:13] I'm leaving the recordings up.

[00:32:15] Harley: I'm leaving the recordings up, and honestly, whatever time you're hearing this, your timing is perfect. Your timing is perfect. I agree. Send it to a friend. You can do it together. Use that support. Have those conversations. That's why I'm creating this, because it is just so important.

[00:32:32] As creators, to recognize that you're a creator, not a consumer. The biggest fault that I see creators making, the misstep that I see them taking, is acting like a consumer. Stop scrolling for your inspiration. You don't need it. It'll come to you. But you need to get out. You need to keep, you need to keep living your life.

[00:32:54] Bree: Yes. Oh my gosh. 100%. Okay. All right. Before I turn this into an hour long therapy session, tell us, okay, I'm going to drop links in the show notes for you guys, but I would like for you to just tell us as well, like where can everybody go and follow you? Where can I go learn about this five day judgment detox?

[00:33:18] Absolutely.

[00:33:19] Harley: So here's what I'm going to need you to do. Go to theharleyjordan on Instagram, and you're going to comment detox on any of my posts. Doesn't matter which one it is, comment detox. That link will end up right in your DMs so that you can check it out. We keep it so simple. And You know, I might be off social when you're seeing this.

[00:33:44] So we're into those automations.

[00:33:48] Bree: Yeah, a hundred percent. Love me some automations. Oh my gosh. Harley, this was amazing. I feel like I need to like, okay, send me an invoice for that. Thank you. I love it. Thank you so much for having me. If this episode helped you help us grow. Leave a review, share it with a friend, and tag us on social media.

[00:34:13] We can't wait to cheer you on.